1) Coming to America, Friday, 8 p.m., Bravo. So there was this one time when Eddie Murphy was funny. And no, he wasn’t funny in The Nutty Professor. He was, however, funny in this movie. And so was Arsenio Hall. What in the hell happened to that guy? Someone from the ’80s ate him. Probably Carnie Phillips. Or Louie Anderson.
If I were the Prince of Zumunda, I probably would have traveled to Brazil or maybe somewhere in Asia. They do some crazy shit in Brazil. I heard that chicks walk around naked on the streets in broad-ass daylight. Why? because they are in Brazil and clothes on women is frowned upon.
Asia? If you need to know why, you don’t know me very well.
2) Eurotrip, Saturday, 3:30 p.m., TNT. This just proves the networks and basic cable honchos are running out of shit to put on TV. Football season is right around the corner, people! So let’s put a decent movie on basic cable that has about, oh, 15 minutes that won’t be censored.
The best parts of this movie we won’t see. We aren’t going to see the tits of that German chick Scotty tries to bang. Damn she is hot. And we aren’t going to see Michelle Tractentecnetnsberg make out with her brother. Yeah, I said that’s one of the best parts. One of the things that pisses me off about most porn sites is the lack of brother/sister incest fetish videos. Oh, you can find mother/son and father/daughter, but apparently the brother/sister stuff is too racy. Well screw you for judging!
Anne-Hathaway-anne-hathaway-753567_1024_7683) Get Smart, Saturday, 5:20 p.m., Cinemax. I know I listed this movie a few weeks ago, but I don’t care. It’s funny. It has Anne Hathaway, which is awesome. It was Steve Carrell, which is awesome.
And it has The Rock, which my wife thinks is awesome. I, on the other hand, do not. Which is ironic, because after watching The Rock in Hi-Def on the new TV, my wife leaves me with nothing but my hand to “date” for the weekend.
4) Roadhouse, Saturday, 11 p.m., SpikeTV. This one’s for you, Dirt. And no, Shane, 3000 Miles to Graceland was not this weekend. Actually, that might be a lie. I didn’t look very hard. Hey, I only have two more weeks of this column so back the fuck off.
5) Final Round of the PGA Championship, Sunday, 1 p.m., CBS. Last southern hillsmajor of the year. And it’s pretty much already over. Tiger had a one-shot lead going into Friday. Though Sunday has a chance to be epic. One shot off the lead at the time of this writing? 3 -time major champions Vijay Singh and Paddy Harrington.
I don’t think Tiger will win it, though. His driving accuracy in majors this year have been brutal. Though he played well last week, I think Harrington gets the best of him this week and takes home back-to-back PGAs.
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