“I am gonna kick that bitch’s evil ass out of my gran’s house, and then you are gonna shoot her.” Sookie to Lafayette, about Maryann
Well, they didn’t make us wait, and picked up with True Blood right where we left off last week, with Bill walking in on the vampire queen, played deliciously by Evan Rachel Wood. And … is the vampire queen a lesbian? There were certainly some sexual overtones with her sucking blood out of the girl’s leg, and then later saying, “I haven’t enjoyed sex with men since the Eisenhower administration.” Then again, she did ask Bill if he wanted to have sex, and he politely declined. He also declined her suggestion that he feed on the girl.
“What gives you the right to say no to the femoral blood of a good woman?” she asks. “You know what your problem is, William? You’re a snob. Tiny, tiny souls. Or penises. Or both.”
Meanwhile, poor Jessica. Losing Hoyt after she just couldn’t take it anymore and went after Hoyt’s mom’s neck. Hoyt is not amused, even though his spellbound mom says, “I actually enjoyed that.” That boy needs to cut the apron strings there.
Loved seeing Lafayette cuff Tara with his purple fur handcuffs, then the interior of his car decked out with purple/animal print decor. I’m quite sick of Tara at this point, though. Here’s my recap of Tara: “Let me rescue Eggs … whine whine whine … get away from me … whine whine whine … that doesn’t work on me anymore … whine whine whine … [SMACK!] …” I was sort of glad that Maryann smacked her.
It appears that someone major dies at the end of the next episode (the finale), and I’m really hoping it’s Tara. That wouldn’t bother me at all. But it certainly was creepy when Lafayette envisioned Eric in Mrs. Thornton’s dress, pointing the gun at him. Poor Lafayette.
I continue to be amused by the Jason-Sam-Andy shenanigans, and Jason saying, “Guys, I read a book about this. This is Armageddon. This is the oral history of the zombie war. We need weapons. Lots of ‘em.” Then he brings up his leadership conference and paramilitary training, right before he runs smack into a tree. What a dolt. But a loveable dolt.
Those kids of Arlene’s are cute as the dickens, asking for “Vampire Bill,” and being awed by Eric’s fangs. Sam’s tender side magnified itself when he was taking care of them as Arlene continued her dive off the deep end.
Other fun stuff:
* The conversation between Jason and Andy about Sam and beastiality.
* The “Sorry, We’re Dead” sign on the Fangtasia door.
* Hoyt watching wrestling on TV.
* “Here, chickie, chickie” – Lafayette leading Arlene and Terry away from Sookie’s house with drugs.
* Eric calling the kids “tiny humans” and Pam saying how happy she was never to have had any kids.
* Eric can fly!
* Ewww … fingers being cut off as a “present” for Maryann. Or the God. Or something.
* The vampire queen’s lineup of people, then forcing Bill to feed on a young guy and play Yahtzee with her in her movie star palace.
* Hmmm … Sookie’s cousin is hanging with the vampire queen.
* The vampire queen suggesting that Bill and Eric have sex and get it over with, and she’ll watch.
* Eric and Bill facing off outside the vamp queen’s palace, and Bill threatening to tell her that Eric is forcing humans to sell vampire blood for him, unless he stays away from Sookie.
* Andy and Jason’s talk in the pickup, and Jason saying why he’s such a good catch: “I watch a lot of porn, I learn stuff.”
* The vampire queen explaining to Bill about the Maenad’s powers: “Never underestimate the power of blind faith,” she says. “It can manifest in ways that bend the laws of physics or break them entirely.”
* Sookie getting a text message from Bill – five hours late. “I’m getting a new phone as soon as Eric pays me.”
* Whoa! I did not see that giant egg coming at the end, though I suspected that Lafayette might fall under her spell.
I’ll leave you with this:
Sookie: “How’s your leg?”
Lafayette: “Better than ever.”
Sookie: “How’d that happen?”
Lafayette: “Eric made me drink his motherfuckin’ blood is how that happened.”
Sookie: “Me, too! He tricked me.”
Lafayette: “Somebody needs to slap that bitch.”
Sookie: “I have.”
Lafayette: “Well, look at you…”
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